Ya baby! The Bombers are going to the Grey Cup!!

Congratulations to my hometown Winnipeg Blue Bombers on a hard fought Eastern Final victory 19-9 over The Toronto Argonauts.

It was ugly but it was a victory. Now on to the Grey Cup against either BC or Saskatchewan. I'm sure the people in Toronto will put on a big party next week. Go Bombers!!!

The war on the war on Christmas is here!

Congratulations to my favorite Canadian right-wing blowhard Micheal Coren for being the first pundit from the right to declare this years first war on Christmas. Mr Coren's column has long been a personal favorite of mine.He is so convinced that evil Liberal social engineers run the world that he actually makes me feel better about the real world. If Mr Coren is so angry things cant be that bad. The man who thinks Jesus would want us to use tactical nukes on Iran has an article in today's Winnipeg Sun decrying a British think tank tied to the British labour party for coming out with a report which states that in general Britain is no longer a Christian nation and public institutions should be more inclusive of other faiths.The report states "If we are going to continue as a nation to mark Christmas, then public organizations should mark other religious festivals as well." Sounds reasonable. But to Mr Coren this is just another example of the Godless liberal horde out to ruin Christmas. The war on Christmas is here! According to Mr Coren it is only a matter of time before this British heresy comes to Canada because "We adopted an official policy of multiculturalism long ago and decided Canada was simply not worth preserving." Right..... So anyway get with the program you blogging Tory trolls, Its time to fight the war on the war on Christmas.

What's up Quebec? You used to be cool.

One of my few regrets is that I never really took advantage of Trudeau's vision and learned to speak French. I say this because I have often, in my uninformed past, mused about moving my family to La Belle province. Quebec seemed like such a hip and progressive place, a socially liberal mecca. Almost like a little piece of Europe in the middle of Canada. $7 a day daycare, strong union and labour movements, multi-cultural ism that was not only happening but also working. A province that was not afraid to trade and engage with America, but was unwilling to bow to her. Sophisticated, worldly, cigarette-smoking intellectuals who hate war and love sex. A group that skewed Canadian public opinion further to the left than it otherwise would be. Stephen Harper himself said it when he talked about how if you took Quebec out of the polls, 50% of Canadians were all for sending Canadian troops to Iraq. 50%!! These morons never got their way for one reason, Quebec.
It seemed that Canada needed Quebec. A province always on the right (left) side of every issue. A place with no time for the backward ideas espoused by so many Western Canadian and American right-wing troglodytes. Sure they wanted to separate from Canada, but I figured this was only because they felt Canada was holding them back from becoming the socialist utopia they would become if it wasn't for Conservative English Canada. Hell, even their own Conservative party was made up of Red Tories, much closer in ideology to Joe Clark than Stephen Harper. The leader of the Separatists was a coke-snorting homosexual so they couldn't be all bad. Boy was I wrong!
It turns out the Bloc is made up of two wings. The social liberals I mentioned are there, but they all live in Montreal. The rest of the Bloc seems to be made up of rural, French-Catholic nationalists who not only hate the rest of Canada, but are intolerant of Muslims and Jews too. Many of these people decided they were going to support Mario Dumont and his merry band of racist assholes in the provincial election. And even worse, support Stephen Harper federally. They know Harper won't let them separate but they know he will give them more and more provincial power or "autonomy" as they see it.
The people of Herouxvilles are the perfect example of what is wrong with Quebec. The town council's "code of conduct" for minorities introduced last winter was ridiculously racist and embarrassing to any Canadian who values tolerance. It didn't however lead to much outrage. Instead people seemed to nod their heads and start talking about "reasonable accommodations" and how they have gone too far. (The Globe and Mail have an excellent comment editorial in the Saturday, October 27th edition regarding this issue.)
There seems to be a big backlash against Muslims and multi-cultural ism. The French just elected immigrant-bashing, George Bush-loving, right-wing dickhead Nicolas Sarkozy. The Dutch, too, have hardened their attitudes on immigration. Hell, I even raise one eyebrow in a condescending manner towards our Liberal friends in Ontario who just elected a government almost exclusively based on one issue, funding for faith-based schools. Were you against funding for faith-based schools because it's wrong for all faiths? Which it is. Or did you not want Muslim schools getting money? I hope it is the former. Heir Harper has not failed to notice and exploit this issue inserting into the throne speech his plan to pass a law making sure Muslim women could not vote while wearing a veil. Muslim women, by the way, were not looking for this privilege.
Are we living in crazy world? Federalists in Quebec voting for Stephen Harper. Separatists who don't want to create a European-style welfare state, but instead want to go back to 1940 where everyone was white and the priest was the highest authority. The last thing provinces need is more autonomy or more rights. I live in Manitoba. Without the intervention of a powerful central government in Ottawa and the Charter, the half-wit rednecks who make up this province would soon turn it into Alabama without the southern charm. In spite of this silliness going on out East, a big majority of Quebecers are against the war in Afghanistan and for Kyoto. But by supporting Harper as the federalist option, and weakening the Liberals, they are sure to give Harper the chance to continue his never ending war and his dance on the grave of Kyoto.
The biggest irony of all this is that while Quebecers seem to be taking stupid pills, Albertans who have been dumb enough to vote Conservative since 1971 on the other hand seem to be getting smarter. The provincial government's decision to raise royalties was way overdue. It's not nearly enough, but at least Albertans are making the oil companies take them out to dinner before they fuck them up the ass now. So wake up Quebec, there is a culture war and"tabernac" the good guys need you.

Another speech for Karzai

Now that the NDP has uncovered the fact that Canada's Department of National Defense provided most of the talking points for President Hamid Karzai's speech to Parliament on his last visit to Canada, I thought Mr. Karzai might accept my draft for his next speech to the Canadian people. This speech will presumably take place after an expected fall election.
Thank you Prime Minister Dion for that kind introduction. I am honoured to have been invited by your new coalition government to address the Canadian Parliament and the Canadian people once again. Firstly I would like to thank the families of the Canadian soldiers who have given their lives in Afghanistan for their sacrifice. Next I would like to thank the Canadian people for putting their hard won international reputation on the line and supporting NATO's mission in my country. I feel I must comment on recent developments in Canadian politics. Canada's new Minister of Foreign Affairs Mr. Jack Layton joined with Mr. Dion in a coalition government to defeat Mr. Harper but only under the stipulation that Mr. Dion would hold a vote on pulling Canada's troops out of the south of Afghanistan in February 2008 and pulling out of Afghanistan all together at the end of the current mission in 2009. It may surprise you but I think this is a good idea. Recent negotiations with several Taliban officials have made me optimistic that stability can be achieved. I am not concerned for my own safety. My security is taken care of by American soldiers and private security contractors (mercenaries). Also my own militia protects me. This army is made up of ex-Northern Alliance fighters who used to be aligned with the Russians. You know, back when the US was aligned with the Taliban. There is also an uneasy alliance of other warlords who I am able to bribe with western money, who support my regime, and protect me and the poppy fields of my allies. A peace deal with the Taliban in the south will make your brave Canadian soldiers unnecessary in the region. Of course, we will have to give up on reconstruction in the south but most of what is in need of reconstruction was caused by American bombers. The same bombers that dropped bombs on innocent villagers causing them to chant, "Death to Canada! Death to America!". They will have to live under Taliban oppression but at least they will have some security. This new stability will enable the Americans to build their oil pipeline from the Caspian region to Pakistan. This will allow me and the other warlords to continue our narco state until the next fake election that takes two weeks to complete. The Afghan people will, of course, still be dirt poor and living with a corrupt police force, judiciary and army. The female children of ex-patriots who live under my rule in Kabul will continue to make up the majority of girls going to school. In conclusion, Canada certainly wasn't going to change a single thing that was going on in Afghanistan and leaving now won't change a thing either. However, taking my side in the battle of warlords for control of the "smack" money has really put me in an excellent position. Thanks chum....ps.

P.S. A Liberal-NDP coalition government is not a prediction. Unfortunately, both sides are too partisan to work together. One can dream however.

I was a guy in PEI

That's right, I took some time off from working and griping about the general state of things to hop a train with my wife and little guy all the way east to PEI for a wedding (yes, the train only went to Moncton). I haven't been east of Kenora since I was 12 years old and went with my hockey team to Montreal on an east meets west cultural exchange. The idea was to meet and stay with kids from another city with a different culture to promote tolerance. It worked, we all discovered that 12 year old boys from Montreal and Winnipeg pretty much love hockey and fart jokes equally. We decided to take the train for 3 reasons, my 3 year old son is crazy about Thomas the Tank Engine, I love to support Crown corporations, and I hate being subjected to the kind of security environments that exist only in airports and Turkish prisons.
The first stretch from Winnipeg to Toronto was a 30+ hour affair made longer by the fact that we were repeatedly delayed waiting for CN freight trains, with whom we shared the tracks with, to pass by. This may have just been a matter of logistics or it may have been a case of freight over people, either way it was annoying. It probably would have bothered me less if it was still the Canadian National Railway and not the Illinois Globalism Oligarchy Express that it is today. The staff was mostly friendly and professional and even the food was decent. I would recommend going Sleeper Class, we were in Coach or "Comfort" Class, a name that Orwell would have appreciated. The seats were great for sitting but terrible for sleeping. It was also too cold most of the time, but having said that, overall the trip was pleasant. When we arrived in Toronto I was surprised to see the CPC's Jason Kenney. He was stalking around the baggage conveyor belt looking annoyed, impatient and self-important. I was just beginning to think how typical that was when I realized I had the same look on my own face. We all did, it was hot in there! We were a little late and tired and we had to fight our way through the traffic leaving the Blue Jays game, so we went to bed without seeing much of Toronto. In the morning we went to Tim Horton's like good, little, consumer Canadians. While sipping my coffee I noticed a homeless guy burning his fingers trying to light a tiny cigarette butt he had found. The homeless had recently been in the news in Toronto after some guy was allegedly stabbed by a couple of homeless kids. I decided to make my contribution to the debate. There was a little corner store beside the downtown Tim Horton's, I walked in and asked for a pack of Du Maurier King. I took the cigs outside and gave the whole pack to the homeless guy. Needless to say he was quite happy to have run into me. "I'm saving your life" he said, referring to the smokes and the cancer I wouldn't be getting. We both laughed, it felt good. I like to give money to homeless people, they do a tough job walking around being great, big, living, flashing neon signs that scream, "YOUR SYSTEM ISN'T WORKING, I'M PROOF. CAPITALISM SUCKS. THE RISING TIDE DIDN'T LIFT MY BOAT. I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING BOAT." Now I realize that mental illness and substance abuse are the culprits when it comes to many of these folks, but that doesn't change the fact that a civilized society would do something for them. As seems to be my habit, I digress. Before I could say, "Which way to the Hockey Hall of Fame?", we were back on the train and headed east.
Didn't get to see Montreal, nice train station, cool bridge. What's that, the St. Laurence? We got to Moncton, got our rental car and drove to the Confederation Bridge. The bridge is impressive to say the least and you should see it if you can. It's free to cross, but $40 to get back.
PEI is a jewel! We stayed near Cap Egmont in a cottage by the ocean. We ate fresh lobster for the first time, mussels and clam chowder, it was awesome! I drank like a teenager at my wife's cousin's wedding and I don't know if it was the detoxifying effect of the seafood or the sea air, but I didn't feel like going to sleep after 3 beers and I didn't get a hang-over. My wife went to Anne of Green Gables and I went golfing. We all did the North Cape Coastal Drive to see the wind farm and the wild seals. We also saw the school house where Stompin' Tom Connors went to school, it was cool. I love PEI. The people were easy-going and friendly, if a bit stand-offish at first. Cola still comes in a 750 mL glass bottle, it felt like the 70's. I guess when you live on an island you don't want to fill up your landfill with plastic bottles. They also have an excellent recycling program that includes composting. But they drive too slow! People run little enterprises right out of their yards everywhere. Car sales, car repairs, lobster traps for sale, homemade sheds, greenhouse veggies, and of course, fresh fish, lobster and potatoes. I hope that never changes in Prince Edward Island, but I have my doubts now that the bridge has allowed for Wal-Mart to come to town. My son had been very well behaved so we decided to purchase a small, portable DVD player for him to watch on the train. Of course I bought it at Wal-Mart (what a fuckin' hypocrite) and we were on our way home.
This time we had a little more time in Toronto so of course we went up the CN Tower. Holy fuck, that is trippy! What a view! People from the GTA are smirking if they are reading this, but I don't care, the CN Tower rocked. Go again if you haven't been in awhile. Back on the train and back home. The trip was well worth it and helps put some perspective on just how big and wild this country is. I couldn't find anyone who liked Stephen Harper, while the only Americans I met hated George Bush too. Eastern Canadians are more like Western Canadians than I expected.

Paul Martin strikes again.

In 1994, having just turned 21, I decided to quit my bullshit job selling cars for 60 hours a week in the worst economy in history. "No problem, this is Canada," thought I. "I'll just sit back and collect my birthright, Unemployment Insurance." Boy was I in for a surprise. Our newly minted finance minister Paul Martin had decided he was gonna cut the deficit and he was gonna do it on the backs of the unemployed and those unfortunate enough to get sick. Medical transfers to the province were completely gutted. And "UI" became impossible to get. It has run something like 60 billion in surplus since then in spite of some changes made later to try and win back the lost Maritime vote. This was the first time Paul Martin had an effect on my life. Right around the same time Martin and the rest of the right wing of the Liberal party were embracing globalization and talked Chretien into not cancelling free trade. He had been elected on a promise to do just that. Anyone who is not an economist or a "Blue Liberal" (growth is all that matters, the market will save all) can easily see what a nightmare free trade has been for us ( 100 Gazillion lost manufacturing jobs, massive exploitation of the poor in all three countries, the loss of labour power world wide and a widening of the gap between rich and poor to the size of the Grand Canyon.) By 1997, the year my Grandmother died, Martin's medical transfer cuts and a provincial Conservative gov't had degraded medicare to the point where I honestly believe that financial considerations may have been considered by hospital staff when deciding whether or not it was worth trying to save her. I don't know this for a fact but I have my suspicions. This was damage done when he was not even leader, the worst was yet to come. When Chretien and other actual Liberals finally were unable to hold back Martin and his cronies any longer he finally got his wish and became Prime Minister. During his short reign at the top Martin did more damage to Canada than Brian Mulroney did in eight years. The worst of his moves was committing Canadian troops to Afghanistan. This one comes back to haunt us every time a Conservative is able to comment, "It was the Liberals who got us into this war." This bullshit war should be hanging around the Conservatives' neck like a great big badge of massive failure. Instead, we, the good guys, get to wear it with them. Mr. Martin was also responsible for signing us up to Security and Prosperity Partnership with the evil Americans. To anyone who pays attention and doesn't make their living selling things to Americans this is the biggest threat to Canadian Sovereignty ever. He also passed the first Canadian law ever to include mandatory minimums. If Harper had tried it it wouldn't have made it past the Supreme Court. But because it was a liberal law the court looked at it in a different light and allowed it. This precedent allows Harper to go crazy with the mandatory minimums and the court won't be able to stop him. What a slippery slope. Speaking of the Supreme Court, Martin's appointments seem to have pulled the court to the right. (Allowing fascist security certificates to stand is just one example.) What a fox in the hen house. Mr. Martin also planned to go along with the United States in their missile defence fantasy but huge public opposition changed his mind. Dodged a bullet on that one. Sheila Copps revealed recently that Mr. Martin tried to get her to spearhead the privatization of the CBC. To her credit she refused. Wow an even bigger bullet. This brings me finally to Martin's last gift that keeps on giving. Some actual Liberals tried to push through a bill decriminalizing marijuana. Mr Martin dithered and watered down the bill for his American buddies. Then he never passed it at all. The Conservatives let the bill die after taking office, (of course they did) and as a result the police have started ruining lives again by arresting users. Possession charges are up 50% in some provinces. What a waste of time and money and people's futures. Just today a bullshit study tying marijuana to psychosis was released giving Conservatives more ammo to use the next time the debate comes up. This is defeat snatched from the jaw's of victory. Thanks Paul Martin, thanks for nothing. It is my hope that Chretien's move to stop corporate donations will mean the right-wing will have less of an influence on the direction of the party. If not I guess there is always the NDP.

Woo-hoo! The Tories Suck!

I have had an extra spring in my step the last couple of days, in spite of working outside in some ridiculous heat and humidity. I'm pretty sure it's a case of "schadenfreude", a German word that means taking pleasure from someone's misery and misfortune. Who's misery? The CPC and Deceivin' Stephen Harper.
Decima's new poll has the Libs back in the lead at 32%, and the Cons. 29%, NDP 18%, Greens 9% and the Bloq 9%. Yes, polls don't mean much, but it is still good news and the trend is in the right direction.
Tories are tanking in Atlantic Canada! Nova Scotia Premier Roddy McDonald has joined my boy Danny Williams, the Premier of Newfoundland, in bashing Stephen Harper for what they say is a broken promise not to change the Atlantic Accord. (Side note: Why do I see so many posts bashing Danny Williams? Who cares if he wants his cake and eats too. He's a one-man Stephen Harper trashing machine. He's like a constant free negative ad.) Conservative MPs in Nova Scotia certainly have some 'splaining to do. MP Bill Casey did the right thing and voted against it. Harper, who is falling apart like a '78 Pinto, responded to complaints from Premier McDonald, a Conservative, by basically saying sue me. Huh?! Harper has never liked Atlantic Canada, "culture of defeat", but now he is actively picking a fight with Newfoundland and Nova Scotia voters. I suspect they will show Conservative MPs what defeat is all about. Elizabeth May is looking even better in Central Nova. The thought of Peter McKay losing makes me giggle.
On the Afghanistan front, two-thirds of Canadians believe we should get the fuck out in 2009 at the end of our current mission. I personally believe we should have gotten out long ago. I have advocated for the 2009 withdrawal before though because I believe Canadians will get behind this position. I was right about that. I'm no Nostradamus, I predicted Stockwell Day would go down for buying his way into his riding and boy was I wrong. The RCMP couldn't wait to exonerate Mr. Day. I am concerned however with the new anti-war protests in Quebec. Protesters are sending letters to Canadian troops (Van Doo's) explaining their anti-war position and soliciting them to refuse to go. Everything they say in their letters are right, but I am concerned about their timing. Mr. and Mrs. Mushy-Moderate are on our side right now and this is exactly the kind of behaviour that may send them back into the arms of the fascists. It happened in Vietnam, but I digress. Afghanistan has turned into a nightmare for Stephen Harper and Stephane Dion has just the right position politically, and almost, morally.
There are rumblings that the Senate might block the budget from passing, at least until the end of June, which would effectively kill it. This might actually be good for Harper. If his budget were to pass, Harper's only achievement when he runs back to Calgary after his stunning defeat in the upcoming election, will be passing a budget that gives Quebec enough money to pass a billion dollar tax cut and still maintain more social services than any other province. They must love that in Alberta!
Saskatchewan Premier Lorne Calvert announced today that he'll be taking Harper up on his offer to sue him as Mr. Calvert is also apparently unhappy with being lied to concerning Saskatchewan's equalization take.
Lumberjack Chuck Strahl is facing a court challenge from the "friends of the Wheat Board" and others who say the federal government cannot remove barley from the Wheat Board monopoly without an act of Parliament. Duh! The Supreme Court already ruled on this when Mulroney tried to pull barley out of the single-desk in the '80's. He must go the the House and he certainly doesn't have the votes there. The Wheat Board is gonna live, baby! These thugs are done! It's over! Bring on the election! (Anyone else notice how much better Dion's English is getting?) Even Adler is depressed, now that is "schadenfreude"!